serenity

i never understood it when i was younger. not too long ago. just a few years back. my parents always told me that the times change, but there are certain things that remain eternal. there are some things we need to hold on to, we need to stand by and we need to value. all of that, that sounded like nagging, that brought forth the rebel in me (it's a stupid teenage phenomenon, i tell you!) now makes so much sense! and i wish i had paid more heed to all of that then. well, better late than never.

all of us have either gone through, are going through or will go through a stage where we feel like spied-kids. it's that phase of life in which we think we know more about today's world than everyone else living on planet earth. "times have changed, mom!" and "dad, please! what do you know?" constant disagreements, friends to the rescue and solitude become the mantra. few years hence and we find ourselves going back to mum and dad for advice and wishing we'd not been that rebellious.

last night, i was saying thank you to God and to a friend who stood by me when she believed in me, who reprimanded me when she thought i was wrong, who kept secrets from me when she thought it was necessary and who lent her shoulder for me to cry on when i needed to. she still does. i'm lucky i have someone like that. someone i can trust and someone who my parents can trust too. another person i didn't appreciate enough who truly is "always there" for me is mom. now, i do realize and i do keep thanking her for all the nagging for if it wasn't for that, i wouldn't be me today.

i sit down today and reflect upon all of this because i see how much i've changed and i see how much better it makes me feel. i never believed that people changed but when i rewind and play back, it makes sense to me. there are certain things you hold on to, they're eternal, they are unchanging. but you and i, there's something about us that's constantly evolving. who i am today, good or bad, i don't know. i've made a lot of mistakes, i continue to make more. people love me, some detest me, some don't know which category i fit into. and there lies another important lesson (one i still have to learn!). no one can keep everyone happy. sometimes i think i try too hard, and yes, that backfires. i still don't stop, i wonder why. i don't know if it's right, i don't know if it's wrong. i don't know if it's what i ought to be doing. sometimes, i can't figure if it's love or concern or the fear of seeing someone make the same mistakes i made. but i know it's learning, it's growing and it's teaching me to BE.

for all that's gone by, i'm blessed, for it's helped me grow. for all i have, i'm thakful and grateful. and for all that is to come, i trust it will all be okay. 

and today, i pray

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;

Enjoying one moment at a time;

Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;

Taking this world

as it is, not as I would have it;

Trusting that He will make all things right

if I surrender to His Will.

Amen.