lost....in thought....and found again!

sometimes, there are so many questions in my head, when i start looking for answers, i forget the questions. sometimes, they're happy, sometimes sad. sometimes they're crazy, sometimes, i feel i'm stupid to even have thoughts like those. i wonder where they all come from. they're like the dominoes, you know? one thought crashes into another and before i know it, it's a chain reaction and it's all falling......falling.....falling!

it's necessary to look for answers. but sometimes, the best you can do is to let it go. reminds me of mitch albom in tuesdays with morrie, where he says, " don't hold on too tight but don't let go too soon." times like these, i find there are a lot of people i need to thank....for trying to explain to me, for giving me gyaan about life and it's people, for trying to get me prepared for the rough before i had to encounter it. i never really understood mum when she tried to explain the protective instinct to me, now i do. i never understood pa when he spoke to me about the j factor. now, i understand.

these lessons, i think are learnt not just with experience but with responsibility. somehow, the more responsibility you shoulder, the more you take up, the more you do, the more you want to do. someone told me just yesterday that i want everything - i want to give my dreams life at the same time, i want not to hurt anyone along the way. i want everyone to be happy for me to be happy. and she said it's not possible to make those things happen simultaneously. i live with the belief that it is. yes, i do want everything, and maybe i'm asking for a little too much,. but hell, why shouldn't i? after all, i have one life to live. a fixed number of moments to make the most of. not wrong to want it all, is it?

another valuable lesson this phase has taught me. when the mind is troubled and you can't find answers, all you need is love. when you have someone you can fall back on, talk to anything about and "be", it solves everything. the answers find their way to the questions. the grey skies clear and the sun smiles out at you. that's when i realize how, just how lucky i am.

i want to say thank you. to all those people who love me so much. to all of you who help clear the skies. you are my sunshine! and i love you so!