rewind, pause...fast forward...play!

looking through some old photographs today, i was wondering why i grew up. i thought, to myself and aloud...it was so nice to be a carefree little kid, without a care in the world. it didn't matter how i looked, how i walked, talked, smiled or laughed. i was allowed to cry when i felt like it, allowed to make mistakes. stupid expressions, unrealistic dreams, lime green jeans and crochet shoes...it felt like another life. i'm sure i'm not alone in feeling like i've grown up too quickly. i think it's a feeling we all share.

it's funny and it's strange how these things suddenly begin to matter as we grow up. where does that spring in our step disappear? why does it begin to matter to us what the world thinks of us? why do we suddenly become conscious of our every action and every expression? why does our curiosity lock itself up in a box somewhere, unseen? why is everyday routine? why do we grow out of being embodiments of love? looking through all of those pictures stirred something in me. i've always tried, tried very hard not to let go of my innocence. i've tried to love and love with no strings attached. i've tried to just be, no matter what the world thinks of me. and i've tried to keep the curiosity in me alive. most times, i succeed. sometimes, i don't. during the times i do, i feel closer to being me for who He really wanted me to be when He made me. 

i realized that one of the most important things that changes as we age is that we start listening more to our heads than our hearts. as kids, a feeling would be transformed into immediate action. as we grow older, there are a zillion thoughts that cross our minds before the manifestation of that thought into action. in the time those zillion thoughts cross our head, the feeling finds a place lying at the bottom of the pile. today, i called up someone i hadn't spoken to in almost a decade (maybe more!) out of the blue just because i felt like it. the short little phone call brought a smile to her face and made me feel so good! i don't know if it's a sign. i don't know if there's a message. maybe i'm being told to follow my heart and not let that kid disappear. maybe i still am that kid somewhere deep inside. maybe growing up isn't really growing up! like someone said to me, tomorrow will be today tomorrow. i can choose either to sit and question His judgment of making me older or i can choose to enjoy every moment of today so that when tomorrow becomes today tomorrow, i don't sit back and regret being a day older. root thought, we're all going to grow up, whether we like it or not! so, let's just choose to enjoy it, the process of growing up, metamorphosis occurring but not letting go of what stays throughout the transformation of the little egg to the butterfly.